Mossy

Thrifting with my friend went pretty well. I grabbed a decent amount of summer clothes as well as some cute toys from the second-hand toy store we went to. Went shopping again yesterday, this time with my dad; got more tops and a bunch of other stuff. I'm quite happy, but I still need shorts...

I have signed up for a couple of community/continuing studies classes over the summer. I think it'll be nice to have a low-pressure thing to keep me busy again.

I also have a couple of cosplays I'm supposed to be working on... but those feel so overwhelming TAT

Almost a week ago, I checked into a hospital. Length of stay is TBD but I got to go home for the weekend and will have to be back by tonight. It's fine; it's for my own good. But something is making me wish the weekend were a day longer.

I'm trying to keep in mind that going through this is way better in the long term than not, even though it's not exactly fun. But I have a lot of complicated feelings about what I'm going to get (or not get) out of being there.

The good news is that, of the test results that have come back, everything is looking good. But, as I think anyone dealing with complex chronic illness knows, that's also frustrating in its own way :P

Wow, it's been almost a month since my last post. Time sure flies. November, like the month before it, was rough. But I'm starting to pick things up again and am feeling a little better about school; I just need to turbo-focus over the next couple of weeks to make sure I'm ready for exams (yikes).

I've been much more productive with my knitting, sewing, and crochet. I started my first sock about a week ago and have made a good amount of progress on it. I began crocheting a chunky sweater for my BJD, although at this stage I'm not sure if I'll frog it - it might be a little too chunky. I also just finished sewing a pair of shorts for her. There wasn't enough fabric to cover her butt and accommodate a closure, so I just stitched up the whole thing for a slip-on pair of shorts. It works, but in the future, I'll have to adjust the pattern a bit to accommodate her slightly wider hips.

I wrote my last entry right after ordering my first 1/4 BJD. She arrived in Canada, was processed, etc. and set to arrive on November 15th... the day Canada Post went on strike. I'm kicking myself a bit for not pulling the trigger on that order sooner; if I'd done it even a day or so earlier, she'd probably be here by now. But on the bright side, this is forcing me to focus on the dolls* I already have, and since I'm not inclined to buy stuff for dolls not yet in my possession, I'm saving money by not buying all the 1/4 clothes in my Etsy cart, lol.

*I say "dolls" plural, but I really haven't been doing anything for my smaller dolls, because trying to sew 1/6 and smaller scares me right now. I've really just been working on things for my 1/3 girl.

Trying to do things to get in the Christmas spirit, because I didn't really get to enjoy the season last year. It's weird, though, because I'm spending most of December alone and away from family... it kind of just feels sad.

Funeral was yesterday. It went well IMO but holy hell I am tired. Tried to start getting back on track today, with a little success... I guess that's something.

One thing that's only started in the last few days or so is that I'll think of her as if she's still here, like "Oh, we should bring her to this restaurant sometime"; yesterday, as we were all leaving from dinner, I even looked around to see if she was ready to leave. It's like I'm processing this backwards: I thought I'd accepted that she's gone and I was just tired, then the sadness kicked in, now I'm periodically forgetting it even happened.

It's... weird.

Well, my doll was sent to the nearest post office (thank God) and I was able to pay there and pick her up without any problems. She's gorgeous and wonderful and I have no complaints. I just need to find a wig that isn't too large and some clothes that I actually like on her.

Went on a bit of a shopping spree with my dad. It is 100% his (questionable) way of coping. I'm trying really hard not to do the same... emphasis on "trying". (But I did get some awesome shoes out of it.)

The weather today was (and still is) disgusting. I'd love for it to stop doing that. But it's fall in the PNW, so... that's definitely too much to ask.

Still don't know how I'm going to deal with school. I'm starting to think that I shouldn't even bother. I have no idea what else I'd do, though.

My grandmother passed away very early this morning. It wasn't a surprise and I'm glad she's not suffering anymore. It hasn't fully sunken in yet, though.

This is the first time I've lost a family member (with whom I had much of a relationship, at least). I don't really know what I'm feeling.

I feel like this is going to be one of those things that doesn't really hit me until much later. We'll see.

I actually got to go visit my grandfather on Friday after all. It was nice to see him. There is something weird about seeing him so much more frail than the last time we met, though.

Ended up airing out some Issues with a family member later that day... it was received fine but I don't know if anything is really going to change. I did say that I was on the verge of skipping family gatherings entirely because of the Issues. Time will tell. I won't be coming back home as much as I did over the summer anyway, so.

Went to Oomomo and Daiso today and somehow neither of them had display cases or storage things. Those locations always have a bunch and the other Oomomo I went to a few days ago had quite a good selection, so I don't know what's going on there. I'd be really sad if they just stopped carrying those kinds of things D:

Also? Second day in a row of ending a nap with SLEEP PARALYSIS. Thankfully these episodes weren't scary (most of mine haven't been so far). I just end up trying desperately to move my limbs with no success. It's just frustrating and disorienting but I suppose it could be a lot worse.

Babysitting right now. (I say that, but it's primarily my mother looking after the kid, with interludes from the rest of us.) I have now idea how the hell anyone keeps up with a toddler for more than a few hours. Really wish I had a better imagination because trying to play with the kid and keep her entertained is a STRUGGLE. I can't believe how good my parents are at doing it. I guess it comes with practice...

Allowed myself a bit of a break and went to my first BJD meet. Everyone was very nice, and I even left with some dolly stuff (including a doll carrier and a small vinyl/plastic boy!). My SD now has eyes and a wig waiting for her, woo! It was a nice couple of hours. Now I'm extra pumped for her to arrive so I can take her to meets and show her off, haha.

I wish I could say I felt as positive about tomorrow's exam. I'm mentally so tired and not much is clicking. I have no clue how to spend the last few hours before I give up and go to sleep. I have a terrible feeling that I'm going to be retaking this course.

Fully intended to blog throughout the weekend. Unsurprisingly, that did not happen, because those were three rather full days of panels (= line-ups...) and a good amount of shopping :D Ended up finding more Ace Attorney/DGS stuff in the AA than expected...

( ... and naturally, that's where most of my money went. )

Had an academic advising appointment today. Maybe I'm just drained from the weekend but I'm feeling weirdly zen about the possibility of having to re-take the course. Obviously better if it doesn't come to that, though...

It's been raining pretty much all day, sometimes quite heavily. Not very uplifting.

Tomorrow's visit with my grandfather has been cancelled. I haven't seen him in months and his health has taken a dip, so this is disappointing.

Dug up my WIP Flax sweater to try to finish the sleeves. Thought I just had to do the ribbing for the cuffs and that'd be it for the first sleeve. Turns out I didn't taper the sleeves like I was supposed to O__O Rather than frog the last 10 inches or so, I decided to just finish off by making the cuffs and keep the sleeves straight. Hopefully it still looks okay and I didn't use up too much yarn this way.

Did not email my prof today like I'd planned. Not sure if I'll even get to it today.